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Photo via @ellx_tt on Twitter
Published Jun 30, 2022
oh no :(, pizza and Tony Soprano, LMFAO, devastated to see Nick Nemeroff go, and much more from this week in funny tweets.
June 24
We tried voting. Now we try it my way. pic.twitter.com/ncTSMmSIjo
— Stan Denshaw burner (@OptometristDan) June 24, 2022
being a millennial feels like living in a video game where each level you have to fight through a new era of history, but the boss is always just ronald reagan wearing a different hat
— Tranny DeVito (@girldrawsghosts) June 25, 2022
— Deleted Tweets (@DeletedTweeted) June 24, 2022
I can predict the future by reading the @WSJopinion and knowing the opposite will come true. pic.twitter.com/gfaYf4Brkh
— JoHo (@JHowardBrainMD) June 24, 2022
Ban viagra that’s not natural if God wanted your Dick to work it would
— Angela Rockstar (@Mrs_ARockstar) June 24, 2022
I. Don’t. Care. If. You’re. Christian. pic.twitter.com/lJGAGlHHUx
— Ben Yahr (@benyahr) June 24, 2022
new rule if ur pro life u have to adopt at least 5 children
— jolie🤍 (@humansilk) June 24, 2022
i’m sorry WHAT pic.twitter.com/iBP7mUBbD7
— Timothy Burke (@bubbaprog) June 25, 2022
So glad to live in a nation with gun care and health control.
— Shadow Governor of California (@ElaDarling) June 24, 2022
“The Founding Fathers wouldn’t stand for this!”
The founding fathers if they were alive today : YOU FREED THE WHAT?!!
— 🇯🇲 كوري/Fidel Cashflow (@JamaicanJihadi) June 24, 2022
the founding fathers would be like what do you mean there are catholics on the supreme court
— gráinne mhaol (@strategerydept) June 25, 2022
June 25
twitter is Iike group therapy but no one heaIs
— d🦕n (@javroar) June 26, 2022
Being a straight woman is wild because you have to date your only natural predator.
— Lindsay Theisen (@lindsaytheis) June 25, 2022
Woman in Target said she just noticed the “e” and always thought it was called Clarence sale
— Robin Hatch (@robinhatch) June 25, 2022
when you take a bangin new selfie pic.twitter.com/igMK9ihx8N
— Danny (@shckldg) June 25, 2022
This made me put down the gun. pic.twitter.com/hBHeUZF6fX
— Cuck Liddell (@C0ckLesnar) June 26, 2022
There’s no “verdict of history,” y’all. As a historian, I am absolutely begging folks to stop relying on this totally pretend, make-believe form of salvation.
— Dr. William Horne (@wihorne) June 25, 2022
I get that people distrust AOC because she isn’t a doctrinaire Marxist but let’s just compare these two tweets pic.twitter.com/uO5pklroRE
— Guy Freire (@guy_freire) June 26, 2022
i would rather not get rescued pic.twitter.com/vGP4csNery
— kira 👾 (@kirawontmiss) June 26, 2022
I bet the bloke who replaced Paul McCartney when he died in 1966, didn’t think he’d have to keep it up this long.
— John Fidler (@johnfidler) June 25, 2022
oh you’re playing music at the beach?? you think your taste in music is superior to poseidon’s 24/7 ambient mixtape???
— layla (@laylology) June 25, 2022
The same folks saying, “don’t have sex and you won’t get pregnant,” believe in a religion based upon the idea that a woman didn’t have sex and got pregnant.
— Nathan Monk (@fathernathan) June 26, 2022
Abstinence is such a great form of birth control that the states that teach it instead of sex ed have the highest rates of teen pregnancy.
— 🌈Sally Summertime🇺🇦🌻🇺🇸 (@snide_sally) June 25, 2022
My kid shared this with me from the 11 y/o group chat pic.twitter.com/egHvHomwVf
— Robert Manchild 🏳️⚧️ (@RobertManchild) June 26, 2022
— Grow In the Dark (@_Rest_less_) June 25, 2022
— ً (@ibuffys) June 25, 2022
June 26
One day someone should start a religion based on the teachings of Jesus Christ.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) June 26, 2022
If the United States saw what the United States is doing in the United States, the United States would invade the United States to liberate the United States from the tyranny of the United States.
— Mohamad Safa (@mhdksafa) June 26, 2022
[Not googling their campaign contributions] Wow cool https://t.co/uFNDtox88Q
— Ken Klippenstein (@kenklippenstein) June 26, 2022
Are you “burned out” or are you having a reasonable reaction to a never-ending barrage of bad news which you can do very little about.
— Icona 📚 (@iconawrites) June 26, 2022
— mount bellyache (@mountbellyache) June 26, 2022
LMFAO pic.twitter.com/8HNU4Jr1KM
— erin🫶🏻 (@erinmhk) June 26, 2022
— Conservative Self-Owns (@ConSelfOwns) June 27, 2022
seems like there’s too much poop on the runway https://t.co/B5rFEGdfSL
— Claire Lower (@clairelizzie) June 26, 2022
this makes me laugh every time i find it in my photos pic.twitter.com/MtIpNk6CUx
— bailey (@baileysltr) June 26, 2022
this is easily my favourite twitter interaction of all time pic.twitter.com/A2qIsNI8Pj
— Hasan 👁🗨 (@flackospalace) June 26, 2022
Really enjoyed using my car today while it’s still legal for women to drive.
— TattleTaleSister (@TattleTSister) June 27, 2022
Post ur boyfriends ..let’s see who got the same one
— lou (@incelticide) June 26, 2022
June 27
It is with profound sadness that we announce the sudden passing of our beloved brother Nick Nemeroff. pic.twitter.com/JY4jSErfi9
— Nick Nemeroff (@nicknemeroff) June 27, 2022
This but 100% heartfelt https://t.co/cBmcVYL3tz
— TIM BLAIR (@TlMBLAlR) June 27, 2022
A favourite memory of Nick was one night at Nothing Fancy an audience member was talking during his set. Nick stopped and listened to his convo, and once the person noticed, Nick just said “no no I’m sorry… I just… I didn’t realize you were so funny.”
— aw shoot it’s justin shaw (@wrath_of_shaw) June 28, 2022
I love liking peoples stories bc no talking is involved!!
— bad tina (@adrianaofsaints) June 28, 2022
sorry guys my bad pic.twitter.com/7Eo2qk5jni
— Jade-Anh (@itsjadeyanh) June 27, 2022
This is the greatest pro abortion argument I’ve every seen https://t.co/Zb2ozpBM46
— not bort van houten again (@Bortvanhoutenn) June 27, 2022
OMG pic.twitter.com/Wbg3591vZ8
— Eric Nelson (@literaryeric) June 28, 2022
It will be fine pic.twitter.com/FTePuOc7kP
— Jorts (and Jean) (@JortsTheCat) June 28, 2022
buying her tickets to see the Rise of Gru because she is one in a minion
— Joseph Barron (@the_joe_barron) June 28, 2022
Powerful stuff pic.twitter.com/pppMnmGkaB
— Far Left Kyle (@FLKDayton) June 27, 2022
liberal “protests” are so unserious. the signs are puns, people are dancing. it’s not supposed to be a block party y’all
— j (@gucciandior) June 27, 2022
Is Michael Ford’s cabinet appointment really nepotism? https://t.co/ftdTEsbigs
— CBC Pitchbot (Satire) (@CBCPitchbot) June 27, 2022
I’m in love with her pic.twitter.com/UJGE8tUA9n
— Nux says drink your gas (@HOL0DOMOR) June 28, 2022
June 28
“we will adopt your bébé” pic.twitter.com/zZPa0N3WI6
— molly taft (@mollytaft) June 28, 2022
“we will adopt your child” is colonizer energy
— i can be your long lost pal (@PallaviGunalan) June 28, 2022
Frigg’n bird’s eh? pic.twitter.com/JWB0FqM2R4
— Graham Kay (@mrgrahamkay) June 28, 2022
We didn’t write this one: https://t.co/1NWrk37EGX
— Walking Eagle News (@TheEagleist) June 28, 2022
I Photoshop paddington into a movie or TV show until I forget: Day 477 pic.twitter.com/7EVGog7axh
— Jaythechou (@jaythechou) June 29, 2022
I get why folks are saying “it’s not funny, but” to the president splattering the walls of his office with his burger and trying to wrestle his car away from the secret service but: you can say it. it’s funny. it’s really, really funny.
— Christopher Hooks (@cd_hooks) June 28, 2022
you can tell the internet has gotten worse because if this were ten years ago there would already be a flash game where you play as trump and you have to hurl burgers at secret service officers blocking your way to the capitol
— joolsd (@joolsd) June 28, 2022
oh no 🙁 pic.twitter.com/ETpAACR46L
— elliott (@ellx_tt) June 28, 2022
Firefighter: ah man, i’m so sorry to hear your kid is sick. have you tried blasting it with water
— @© (@reluctant_horse) June 28, 2022
June 29
This is a good, even-tempered headline about the sandwich store. pic.twitter.com/AIqXJuDpVc
— Michael A. Balazo (@mbalazo) June 29, 2022
— caleb hearon (@calebsaysthings) June 29, 2022
9yo just held his ear up to some Rice Krispies and said “listen to them die”
— blaine capatch (@blainecapatch) June 29, 2022
— Respectful Memes (@RespectfulMemes) June 29, 2022
Introduce yourself with the wildest feedback you’ve ever received.
I’ll go first:
“Hi I’m Amy. I’m too ambitious 🤝”
— Amy Hupe (@Amy_Hupe) June 29, 2022
Thoughts and prayers but only for this king pic.twitter.com/cQEwb8Tb70
— Read Wobblies and Zapatistas (@JoshuaPotash) June 29, 2022
